My name is Sarah Chen Weaver. I’m half chinese, a quarter german and a quarter dutch. People always ask me what I am. Don’t you want to know my name first?

My mom is the chinese one. I’ve lived overseas in beijing since I was really little. But I went to international schools and all of my friends were expats. I spend time with my chinese family, speak fluent chinese, but I’ve never been really immersed in the culture there, which I regret some. Now I’m back in the US, and I feel more asian. I look white, but if you look closely, you can see some asian in me. I identify with white more, but that’s just how I’ve been raised.

I’m a freshman this year, and highschool’s hard enough already, but I’ve just come from a whole different continent, I’ve spent my whole life there. Everything I knew was there. And there is not one asian person at my whole school, which is really hard, and I’m not even full asian! I live in a small town. I’m used to 21 million people and my high-rise!

I guess it’s hard being a hapa where I live, some people might not be so open-minded and friendly to mixed races. People are nice, but it’s hard to relate to people. I’ve never met another hapa before in person.

I used to feel lost, like I didn’t have an identity. I moved everywhere, constantly changing schools. I would feel like there was a tug-of-war going on between my parents. There would be conflict on how to raise me. Now I have a new little sister, I don’t want to feel the same as I did, so I hope that she finds her identity sooner than I did.

Checking boxes for your race is one of my least favorite things to do. Why should I have to choose between my mom and my dad? Some people say that hapas have an advantage. They can choose any one race, but why would I want to choose? If you asked me what I was, I would now say that I am half chinese, half white, and 100% proud of it.

4 thoughts on “Chinese, German, Dutch

  1. Exactly same nationality, wow! Half chinese, quarter german, quarter Dutch! I definitely look more Asian and I agree with you that it is very annoying that people come up to you and ask: “Where are you from?” instead of asking your name first. I act and think exactly the same as the people around me but people seem to put me in a certain group just because of my looks and that kind of sucks :/. Skin color shouldn’t change the way you treat people! When you’re born and raised in the same country your behavior has nothing to do with your looks! At the end of the day I’m proud to be a mixed kid between all the dutchies. :)

  2. Hey Sarah its me.
    Like everyone said. Be proud of who you are and never let anyone change you. People judge but it’s not worth feeling unconfident about yourself or letting them let you down.
    Stay strong.

  3. Sarah, I think that every part of you, as a whole, or the different aspects of it, tell a story, and make you who you are. You have lived a different type of life that those around you will only probably dream of, and little by little you will see the great advantages of that. And because of your different background, people are going to be interested in who and what you are.

    As for choosing between your ethnicities, in all honesty, it doesnt’ matter what it says on paper, and you never have to choose if you don’t want to. You be who you want to be, that’s what matters most.

    Good luck with your studies this year, and thanks so much for sharing with us your story.

  4. High school is a beautiful time – albiet confusing, distracting, and sometimes you’ll hate it. you are me five years ago, and you know what? i survived being ostracized. embrace your beauty and uniqueness – take this as a learning moment, and also, teach what a beautiful thing being hapa is.

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